How do you achieve your dream when you encounter financial challenges?

First, I would encourage you to examine your assumptions about what the financial support you need to achieve your dream. You might be surprised if I told you that my project in Africa only cost a few thousand dollars. Granted I had paid for my own trip and living expenses, and gave up my paychecks, the point is that we can be creative about how to achieve our goals with limited resources. I want to also refer you back to my presentation where I suggested that you do the exercise of moving yourself from “if only” to “what if” to “why not”. What I am hearing from the question is that there is a perception that you could only achieve your dream if you had a lot of money. Try asking yourself the question of “what if” and explore different options of doing it with limited financial resources.

It is never really about money but your commitment and motivation to overcome whatever challenges that come your way.

If your concern is more about managing your personal financial challenge, start by reviewing your assumptions about what you think you must have to make you happy and ask yourself if that is just an assumption or if it is the truth. I would also suggest that you get advice from a financial advisor or get professional help.

Also check out my article on “Is Money Getting in Your Way?” at http://www.fruit-for-thought.blogspot.com/

How can we help our children begin to think this way--- to live up to their potential?

I think the best way to teach your children how to live up to their potential is by being a role model yourself and living up to your full potential. That is the best testament that anything is possible. As you strive to live up to your potential, you will have a lot of life lessons to share with your children.

When we are so close to our children, we sometimes confuse our own dreams with their dreams. While you encourage them to live up to their full potential, make sure to listen to their passion and aspirations. Challenge them to expand beyond their limitations. Ask them questions instead of giving answers to help them explore their aspirations and to help them to think on their own and think outside of box.

Business Lessons I Learned from My International Volunteer Experience

I recently gave a speech at one of the Fortune 100 companies. I would like to post my answers to the questions raised by the audience. I hope it will help you think about how to address the challenges in your life and work.

Q: What top three corporate lessons would you encourage us to take away from your experience that we could apply here at our company?

A:I know there are lots of changes in your organization. Sometimes you may feel that you are so small and invisible in a big corporation. More than ever, I believe in the power of one. Every single one of us could make an impact in the company or on the impact we work with. When things seem to get nowhere, think about how to change your approach to influence change (“If only" to "What if" to "Why not"). Believe in your ability to make a difference.

Don’t under-estimate the importance of your experience at work. Without previous corporate experience, I might not have been able to complete the projects in Africa and Mexico. Corporate experience is valuable so try to identify how your career can support your personal goals.

The other valuable lesson I learned was the power of an inspiring vision, which according to a research study on global leaders, is one of the most important qualities of a great leader. I used to try to influence change by talking and focusing so much on strategy and rationale. Through my experience in Africa and Mexico, I realized how much more powerful an inspiration could be in terms of its impact on influencing change. For both projects, I worked in challenging situations with limited resources and little connection to the communities at the beginning. By building an inspiring vision, I was able to influence people who barely knew me to help me with my projects. Some of them were powerful and influential people. That’s why employee engagement can be so powerful as we discussed during my last presentation “How to Bring Meaning to Work”. When we learn to inspire, engage and motivate people, we unleash their emotions and passions to achieve up and beyond what they normally could. Don’t just win their minds, win their hearts too.

Is Money Getting in Your Way

What is your relationship with money? Yes, you heard me right. Whether or not we want to admit it, money affects almost every aspect of our lives When was the last time you examined your relationship with money? Money influences our decisions on how much time to spend at work and how and how much to relax. Very often, it is not the amount of money we have but our perception of, and relationship with money that impacts our decisions in life.

Here are some examples of the types of relationships with money you may have –


Money is me. Money gives you status and identity. The more money you have, the better you feel about yourself.
Money is greed. Talking about money makes you uncomfortable. You have money in the bank, but you’d rather not talk about it.
Money is safety. Money makes you feel safe. It is your safety blanket. The more you have, the better you sleep at night
Money is air. You have no relationship with money. You take it for granted. You spend whatever you feel like regardless of how much money you have.

When I first started my coaching practice, I had a hard time asking people for business. In my mind, coaching was supposed to help people live a more fulfilling life. It felt disingenuous when money was involved, especially in a recession when many were struggling financially. When I noticed that I had an uneasy relationship with money and it was getting in my way, I realized that I had put too little value on the life benefits my coaching would provide and I was too hung up on the stigma associated with money that I created in my mind. Once I had the awareness of how my relationship with money was holding me back, I was able to work on that and free myself to acquire new clients.

I recently caught up with a good friend of mine who is a successful investment banker. He was thinking about moving out of the U.S. to work in Asia. The regulation changes in the US have impacted how much bonus the U.S. investment bankers can earn. Asia with a growing economy and loose regulations seems to be the new promise land.

Just out of curiosity, I asked him why he needed to make a lot of money and what he would use the money for. He is single and already has more money than he could spend.

There was a pause after I raised the question.

“Hmmm… That does make you think, doesn’t it? It is not like I can take it with me when I die.” He said softly. “I guess I have been in the same game everyone else is in.”

He went on to tell me that he had not had a real vacation for 3 years and talked about the stress on the job.

“I would be eligible for retirement in a few years if I stayed with my company. I think I could go teach English in Asia when I retire and stop worrying about taking a shower for a while.” He laughed.

“Well, I guess you won’t need a lot of money for that.” I teased him mischievously.

He smiled thoughtfully.

Do you let money define who you are or do you define your relationship with money?

If we manage our relationship with money well, it could propel us to success and happiness. But when we are not careful, it can take control of our life decisions. Just like a romantic relationship between a man and a woman, I think it is only healthy if there is give and take in our relationship with money. If we are giving all of our time to nurture money and it is not nurturing our soul, then it sucks energy out of us.

Does money help you nurture or limit your relationships with your aspirations and with other people in your life?

If we are madly in love with someone and center most of our lives around the person, we might risk losing our relationships with other people in our lives. The same is probably true with our relationship with money.

Is money getting in your way? Recognize the type of relationship you have with money and increase your awareness of when it is serving you and when it is holding you back. It will help you stay in control of that relationship. Wouldn’t it be better to let money work for you rather than the other way around?

What Does it Take to Give?

A few years ago, I worked as a volunteer with the farmers in the mountains of rural Tanzania. The following year I began raising money in Mexico to expand accredited midwifery education in Chiapas - in an effort to improve healthcare and job opportunities for the young women from the indigenous and underserved communities. Around this time I started getting questions from people here about why I was interested in helping others.

I used to think this was a strange question.

“It’s only human nature to want to help. You might not have gone to developing world for volunteer work but I am sure you have helped some homeless or the poor in the City.” I replied.

But then I got the same question over and over again from different people until someone confronted me one day.

“No, I don’t think it’s human nature. I certainly haven’t done anything to help. How do you find the passion to help?”

The guy was brutally honest and not afraid to challenge me to help him understand why. That’s when I began to realize that perhaps the question might not be as strange as I thought it was and perhaps the willingness to help is not as natural as I thought it was. He finally got me curious about it.

People tend to think that sympathy is what it takes to be giving. What people often forget is empathy. Sympathy without empathy is pity. It is thinking that those in need are different from you and focusing on what they lack. It can get very exhausting quickly if you feel that you are just giving all the time and all you see is what they are lacking and their never-ending need for help. Empathy helps us to identify with others and their dreams. I am not sure if I ever saw my volunteer work as giving. Rather, I was building something promising. I didn’t dwell on their suffering. I was more passionate about their potential to have a better future. It is far more rewarding and uplifting when we can help others succeed instead of just helping them survive. I think that’s what gave me energy to continue to be involved in these projects.

Once I heard a story by Wayne Dyer about a conversation between a poor woman and a traveler. The woman lived in poverty but was given a precious gem by the higher power after good deeds and prayer. It was a gem of abundance that could give the woman anything she asked for.

One day a traveler saw the woman resting under a tree. He asked for some food. The woman said “Sure.” and then took out some bread from a bag where she kept the gem.
“What else do you need?” the woman asked the man. The man said, “Can you give me the most precious thing you have?” Without a thought, the woman pulled out the gem from the bag and gave it to the traveler.

A few hours later, the traveler came back and returned the gem. “I want to give you back your gem because what I really want is to learn how you can give away the most precious thing you have.”

Sometimes it is not what we receive that makes us happy, but what we give. I realize now how precious it is to have the desire to help. In so many ways, I feel incredibly blessed to have the opportunity and the capacity to serve. It’s very humbling. I never expected anything in return but I ended up with so much learning and growth beyond my imagination. The international development experience has been the best leadership and life training I have ever had. I can’t tell you how grateful I am that the people there allowed me to be part of their future. They gave me the opportunity to feel helpful and to grow as a person. They gave me the gift of a lifetime.

Although Africa is the poorest continent in the world, it has also received an enormous amount of international aid. Instead, I would like to take this opportunity to call your attention to the catastrophe in Pakistan where over 8 million people have been affected by the recent floods. They have received underwhelming international support. In fact, Americans gave 40 times more for Haiti earthquake than for the disaster in Pakistan (Read more http://www.cdapress.com/news/national_news/article_93b201a4-1390-5643-926f-c397ec231b17.html). Please consider making a donation to an organization of your choice to help the country under water. Let’s cultivate friendship instead of war, create hope instead of hatred. We can all make a different in whatever small way we are able.

Should I Change Jobs?

I began working with a new client about two months ago. She was looking for ways to find a more fulfilling career. She was considering starting her own business or moving to a different line of work at the large company where she worked. She thought that coaching might help her identify a new direction and develop the strategy to pursue the new path.

We spent the first 2 sessions helping clarify her vision in life and the things that were most important to her. A few weeks later she was put in charge of an exciting project that renewed her interest in her current job. She was also appointed to lead a new initiative for an employee group at work that would allow her to use the talents that she didn’t usually get to use at work. The change in her outlook was so dramatic that she couldn’t believe it. She felt energized but also confused.

“What if this was not the change I was looking for?” She wondered. “Am I settling? Should I keep on looking?” It seemed almost too easy even though both opportunities clearly fulfilled her passion and personal values. She got to do what she loved without having to leave her job or her company.

Her confusion was not surprising if we think about where most of us look for change.

--Change from The Inside Out--

When we are unsatisfied with the status quo, we often look for change in our environment or people we work or live with.

“I hate my job. I should find a job at another company.”

“My boss makes me miserable. How can I make him change?”

Sounds familiar? I am sure these thoughts have crossed our minds at one time or another. Rarely do we examine how we could change from within to affect the challenges around us. This is what happened with this client.

Clarity drives change.

First, she got a clear understanding of who she is, what is important to her and who she wants to become. With clarity, she not only realized what to ask for but she had the courage to ask for what she wanted. When you have a vision about what you want, the picture shouts at you and increases your desire for change.
She went to her boss, told him that she needed a more challenging job and she got it.

No one is going to give it to you unless you do.

Many of us often do not have the courage to discuss the change we want with our supervisor or subordinate. Or sometimes when we discuss this, we do not give specific and actionable feedback to catalyze change. Give yourself the permission to pursue and ask for what you want and help influence the change by giving constructive suggestion on the type of support you would like to receive.

Focus on knowing what you want, not what you don’t want.

Too often, we complain about what we don’t like. But when confronted with the question of what we really like to do, we don’t have the answer. When we dwell on what we don’t like, it keeps us spinning, frustrated and unsatisfied.

After our discussions, the client became aware of what had meaning for her. When the client got the new project, she was able to see things that she wouldn’t have been able to see before. The nature of the new project was very different from what she used to work on as an independent contributor. It was a cost-cutting project with challenging personalities and a de-motivated team. But she saw great possibilities to make a difference in the team members’ lives and bring about innovation to rejuvenate the project. She aligned her project with her core values of making impact and developing her creativity. Because she now knows what she wants, she is able to integrate them into the project and create meaning and vision that are fulfilling for her.

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.*

There was a shift that took place inside of the client. The inner change allowed her to handle situations and explore opportunities differently. As a result, the new approach opened up new possibilities and created change in her environment and the people around her.

Life change begins with the transformation inside of us. If we undertake the self-transformation, we are more likely to understand how to facilitate the change around us. Take the time to examine your vision, determine what is important to you and then take another look at the situation or challenge you face.
Now, before you put down this article and go back to your challenge, imagine a different response from you that will support the change you want to see!

A special thanks to my client who has given me the permission to share the story.

*by Wayne Dyer

How Can I Retire Early to Pursue Happiness

I have been getting this question a lot lately.

“How can I retire early to pursue happiness?”

In this recession, everyone is feeling the squeeze whether or not they still have jobs. Many who are not laid off are doing two or three people’s jobs. It’s not hard to understand the pessimism. We start to think that happiness and work are mutually exclusive. As we constantly raise the bar on ourselves, we come to believe that happiness cannot be achieved until we have lots of money and time. Somewhere along the way, we lose sight that happiness doesn’t have to come in bulk and that it can come in small chunks.

What if you could bring meaning to what you do every day?

I have met many business professionals who devoted their money and time outside of work to social causes. So why do we stop short of bringing the same level of compassion to our workplace? Giving is gratifying because it is a testament of our ability to make a difference in someone else’ life. What if you could have the ability to impact the lives of your colleagues?

The zero-sum mentality in the corporate world holds us back from being a resource to others at work. Contrary to the thinking, those who give are generally more successful and happier, according to my recent interviews with a number of corporate executives who have a track record of helping others at work. The sense of purpose and fulfillment from helping others often become positive energy that empowers the givers to make great business impact at work.

You may feel too time-strapped and exhausted to help others because of your work load. The secret is that time is limited but energy can be re-generated. By giving and lending a hand, it rejuvenates your energy and fulfillment, which in turn support you for bigger challenges at work. You will be happier and more productive.

What if we could be present in every moment?

When we were kids, we couldn’t wait until school was out and we wanted to grow up fast. Do you ever notice how old people reminisce the past and can’t stop talking about what they used to do? As we are right in the middle of our journey, recognize that we have an opportunity to live in the moment with learning from the past to shape our future.

Celebrate small and often. Some clients came to me for coaching because they hit a road block and feared that they would not be able to achieve their goals. Once we took the time to examine their progress along the way, they gained confidence and clarity which give them the strength to move forward. Celebrating before reaching your goal is not a sin. Celebrating milestones helps you to reflect and move steadfast toward your goals.

Instead of living for the future, enjoy this moment when you are not too young to know what you want nor too old to do what you want. Why waiting for the big bulky happiness far out in retirement when you could create small happy moments throughout your work life?

What is that big happiness you are hoping for at the end of your career? Break it down and enjoy it in small chunks. Instead of guzzling down a bottle of wine, enjoy it in sips to savor its aroma and flavor. If your goal is to travel around the world after retirement, try visiting one country each year while you are still working. If you would like to do volunteer work in the future, you can find something similar in a smaller scale now. Are you waiting to try a different line of work after retirement? Sign up for a class or seminar to learn about it today.
Align your present with your future!

Instead of living for your future, choose what you have in every moment. Wouldn’t it be better to be happy early than to retire early?