Can you share some additional strategies for overcoming fear of failure?

Here is another question raised by the audience when I gave a speech at HP. My suggestions are -

One way to overcome it is to try to look at your goal from a different angle that is less intimidating to you. For example, if you want to network but are afraid of rejection, try to look at it from the perspective of learning or connecting so you don’t focus so much on the outcome based on success/failure.

Another strategy is to break down your goal into small chunks so it doesn’t look so overwhelming. This way, the amount of potential failure is much smaller and less intimidating.

How do you get ahead and accomplish your career dreams when there is so much politics in corporate America?

Here is another question I got from the audience at HP.

Q: How do you get ahead and accomplish your career dreams when there is so much politics in corporate America?


A: There are politics wherever there are people - in for-profit AND non-profit organizations. Most of us think of office politics as a dirty game, and it can be. Although I don’t encourage people to participate in the game, I encourage you to understand and manage politics because it is part of our lives. If you think of politics as a way to create relevancy, convergence and alignment, then you might have a slightly different perspective on it. Politics is about understanding the context in which you operate. Try to understand the corporate culture, the risk tolerance, the predominant problem-solving approach. This will help you to frame your idea in a way that is appealing to them to reduce confrontation. Try to listen to other people’s concerns and understand why they are feeling insecure. Anticipate the push-backs and be prepared to address those concerns will help you achieve your goals and gain visibility. As I said in my presentation, focus on abundance rather than scarcity. Politics can be many of the challenges that you would face in achieving your career goals. Use your strengths to overcome your weaknesses. Use what you have to obtain what you don’t have.

How do you achieve your dream when you encounter financial challenges?

First, I would encourage you to examine your assumptions about what the financial support you need to achieve your dream. You might be surprised if I told you that my project in Africa only cost a few thousand dollars. Granted I had paid for my own trip and living expenses, and gave up my paychecks, the point is that we can be creative about how to achieve our goals with limited resources. I want to also refer you back to my presentation where I suggested that you do the exercise of moving yourself from “if only” to “what if” to “why not”. What I am hearing from the question is that there is a perception that you could only achieve your dream if you had a lot of money. Try asking yourself the question of “what if” and explore different options of doing it with limited financial resources.

It is never really about money but your commitment and motivation to overcome whatever challenges that come your way.

If your concern is more about managing your personal financial challenge, start by reviewing your assumptions about what you think you must have to make you happy and ask yourself if that is just an assumption or if it is the truth. I would also suggest that you get advice from a financial advisor or get professional help.

Also check out my article on “Is Money Getting in Your Way?” at http://www.fruit-for-thought.blogspot.com/

How can we help our children begin to think this way--- to live up to their potential?

I think the best way to teach your children how to live up to their potential is by being a role model yourself and living up to your full potential. That is the best testament that anything is possible. As you strive to live up to your potential, you will have a lot of life lessons to share with your children.

When we are so close to our children, we sometimes confuse our own dreams with their dreams. While you encourage them to live up to their full potential, make sure to listen to their passion and aspirations. Challenge them to expand beyond their limitations. Ask them questions instead of giving answers to help them explore their aspirations and to help them to think on their own and think outside of box.

Business Lessons I Learned from My International Volunteer Experience

I recently gave a speech at one of the Fortune 100 companies. I would like to post my answers to the questions raised by the audience. I hope it will help you think about how to address the challenges in your life and work.

Q: What top three corporate lessons would you encourage us to take away from your experience that we could apply here at our company?

A:I know there are lots of changes in your organization. Sometimes you may feel that you are so small and invisible in a big corporation. More than ever, I believe in the power of one. Every single one of us could make an impact in the company or on the impact we work with. When things seem to get nowhere, think about how to change your approach to influence change (“If only" to "What if" to "Why not"). Believe in your ability to make a difference.

Don’t under-estimate the importance of your experience at work. Without previous corporate experience, I might not have been able to complete the projects in Africa and Mexico. Corporate experience is valuable so try to identify how your career can support your personal goals.

The other valuable lesson I learned was the power of an inspiring vision, which according to a research study on global leaders, is one of the most important qualities of a great leader. I used to try to influence change by talking and focusing so much on strategy and rationale. Through my experience in Africa and Mexico, I realized how much more powerful an inspiration could be in terms of its impact on influencing change. For both projects, I worked in challenging situations with limited resources and little connection to the communities at the beginning. By building an inspiring vision, I was able to influence people who barely knew me to help me with my projects. Some of them were powerful and influential people. That’s why employee engagement can be so powerful as we discussed during my last presentation “How to Bring Meaning to Work”. When we learn to inspire, engage and motivate people, we unleash their emotions and passions to achieve up and beyond what they normally could. Don’t just win their minds, win their hearts too.

Is Money Getting in Your Way

What is your relationship with money? Yes, you heard me right. Whether or not we want to admit it, money affects almost every aspect of our lives When was the last time you examined your relationship with money? Money influences our decisions on how much time to spend at work and how and how much to relax. Very often, it is not the amount of money we have but our perception of, and relationship with money that impacts our decisions in life.

Here are some examples of the types of relationships with money you may have –


Money is me. Money gives you status and identity. The more money you have, the better you feel about yourself.
Money is greed. Talking about money makes you uncomfortable. You have money in the bank, but you’d rather not talk about it.
Money is safety. Money makes you feel safe. It is your safety blanket. The more you have, the better you sleep at night
Money is air. You have no relationship with money. You take it for granted. You spend whatever you feel like regardless of how much money you have.

When I first started my coaching practice, I had a hard time asking people for business. In my mind, coaching was supposed to help people live a more fulfilling life. It felt disingenuous when money was involved, especially in a recession when many were struggling financially. When I noticed that I had an uneasy relationship with money and it was getting in my way, I realized that I had put too little value on the life benefits my coaching would provide and I was too hung up on the stigma associated with money that I created in my mind. Once I had the awareness of how my relationship with money was holding me back, I was able to work on that and free myself to acquire new clients.

I recently caught up with a good friend of mine who is a successful investment banker. He was thinking about moving out of the U.S. to work in Asia. The regulation changes in the US have impacted how much bonus the U.S. investment bankers can earn. Asia with a growing economy and loose regulations seems to be the new promise land.

Just out of curiosity, I asked him why he needed to make a lot of money and what he would use the money for. He is single and already has more money than he could spend.

There was a pause after I raised the question.

“Hmmm… That does make you think, doesn’t it? It is not like I can take it with me when I die.” He said softly. “I guess I have been in the same game everyone else is in.”

He went on to tell me that he had not had a real vacation for 3 years and talked about the stress on the job.

“I would be eligible for retirement in a few years if I stayed with my company. I think I could go teach English in Asia when I retire and stop worrying about taking a shower for a while.” He laughed.

“Well, I guess you won’t need a lot of money for that.” I teased him mischievously.

He smiled thoughtfully.

Do you let money define who you are or do you define your relationship with money?

If we manage our relationship with money well, it could propel us to success and happiness. But when we are not careful, it can take control of our life decisions. Just like a romantic relationship between a man and a woman, I think it is only healthy if there is give and take in our relationship with money. If we are giving all of our time to nurture money and it is not nurturing our soul, then it sucks energy out of us.

Does money help you nurture or limit your relationships with your aspirations and with other people in your life?

If we are madly in love with someone and center most of our lives around the person, we might risk losing our relationships with other people in our lives. The same is probably true with our relationship with money.

Is money getting in your way? Recognize the type of relationship you have with money and increase your awareness of when it is serving you and when it is holding you back. It will help you stay in control of that relationship. Wouldn’t it be better to let money work for you rather than the other way around?

What Does it Take to Give?

A few years ago, I worked as a volunteer with the farmers in the mountains of rural Tanzania. The following year I began raising money in Mexico to expand accredited midwifery education in Chiapas - in an effort to improve healthcare and job opportunities for the young women from the indigenous and underserved communities. Around this time I started getting questions from people here about why I was interested in helping others.

I used to think this was a strange question.

“It’s only human nature to want to help. You might not have gone to developing world for volunteer work but I am sure you have helped some homeless or the poor in the City.” I replied.

But then I got the same question over and over again from different people until someone confronted me one day.

“No, I don’t think it’s human nature. I certainly haven’t done anything to help. How do you find the passion to help?”

The guy was brutally honest and not afraid to challenge me to help him understand why. That’s when I began to realize that perhaps the question might not be as strange as I thought it was and perhaps the willingness to help is not as natural as I thought it was. He finally got me curious about it.

People tend to think that sympathy is what it takes to be giving. What people often forget is empathy. Sympathy without empathy is pity. It is thinking that those in need are different from you and focusing on what they lack. It can get very exhausting quickly if you feel that you are just giving all the time and all you see is what they are lacking and their never-ending need for help. Empathy helps us to identify with others and their dreams. I am not sure if I ever saw my volunteer work as giving. Rather, I was building something promising. I didn’t dwell on their suffering. I was more passionate about their potential to have a better future. It is far more rewarding and uplifting when we can help others succeed instead of just helping them survive. I think that’s what gave me energy to continue to be involved in these projects.

Once I heard a story by Wayne Dyer about a conversation between a poor woman and a traveler. The woman lived in poverty but was given a precious gem by the higher power after good deeds and prayer. It was a gem of abundance that could give the woman anything she asked for.

One day a traveler saw the woman resting under a tree. He asked for some food. The woman said “Sure.” and then took out some bread from a bag where she kept the gem.
“What else do you need?” the woman asked the man. The man said, “Can you give me the most precious thing you have?” Without a thought, the woman pulled out the gem from the bag and gave it to the traveler.

A few hours later, the traveler came back and returned the gem. “I want to give you back your gem because what I really want is to learn how you can give away the most precious thing you have.”

Sometimes it is not what we receive that makes us happy, but what we give. I realize now how precious it is to have the desire to help. In so many ways, I feel incredibly blessed to have the opportunity and the capacity to serve. It’s very humbling. I never expected anything in return but I ended up with so much learning and growth beyond my imagination. The international development experience has been the best leadership and life training I have ever had. I can’t tell you how grateful I am that the people there allowed me to be part of their future. They gave me the opportunity to feel helpful and to grow as a person. They gave me the gift of a lifetime.

Although Africa is the poorest continent in the world, it has also received an enormous amount of international aid. Instead, I would like to take this opportunity to call your attention to the catastrophe in Pakistan where over 8 million people have been affected by the recent floods. They have received underwhelming international support. In fact, Americans gave 40 times more for Haiti earthquake than for the disaster in Pakistan (Read more http://www.cdapress.com/news/national_news/article_93b201a4-1390-5643-926f-c397ec231b17.html). Please consider making a donation to an organization of your choice to help the country under water. Let’s cultivate friendship instead of war, create hope instead of hatred. We can all make a different in whatever small way we are able.