The Power of One

I first came across the term, “the power of one”, when I was reading “Influencer”. The authors mentioned an experiment in the 60’s designed to help researchers understand why so many people followed the Nazi’s lead to massacre millions of Jews. The participants in the research were told that they had to give shock treatment to someone in another room and continue to increase the intensity of the shock treatment until it reached the highest level. Although many participants were uncomfortable about the study, as many as 65% of them felt compelled to follow the instructions. In a follow-up study, the scientists found that if just one person went ahead and turned up the shock treatment, then the number of participants after him who actually went through with the administration of shock treatment jumped from 65% to 90%. On the other hand, if one person spoke up and refused to follow through, the percentage of participants after him who administered the shock treatment dropped to 10%. What a difference one person can make! One person managed to change the tide or the compliance pattern. That is the power of one!

At some point in our lives, we probably have experienced a sense of powerlessness because we worked for a large corporation or because we were part of a complex process. We are often convinced that if we are too small of a player to have enough visibility or power to cause a meaningful change. But being bigger or being part of something bigger doesn’t necessarily give us more power. It is the recognition of the power of oneself that will give us the ability to influence others.

I also experienced the power of one when working in Mexico to raise money for the rural and indigenous students from the state of Chiapas to go to a professional midwifery school. I set a goal for myself to raise the money in Mexico instead of in the U.S. so the school could reduce its dependency on international organizations. I had never done fundraising before. In fact, the idea of asking people for money was unsettling to me and was against my upbringing, but I believed in the cause and was determined to overcome my own fear and the language barrier.
Because I only knew one family in Mexico and I spoke very little Spanish, I had to do some research before I started the process. As soon as I began gathering information, I realized how much more daunting it would be than I had thought. I quickly learned that there was lack of “understanding” between the rich and the poor and there was not a strong culture of philanthropy in Mexico. I was also advised that discussing problems such as poverty and social issues would embarrass or make Mexicans very uncomfortable.

The day after I arrived in Mexico City, I was invited to a party by the family I knew. We chatted before the guests arrived, and I mentioned my project. The daughter of the hostess suggested that I present my project to the guests at the party. Given the advice I got from people familiar with the culture, I was immediately concerned about the awkwardness the discussion would create. I tried to get out of it initially but decided to go for it, to set an example that every one of us could make a difference.

At first, most guests listened to my presentation carefully. A few minutes into my presentation, it started pouring outside. The guests jumped on the opportunity to divert into their own conversations. Obviously, the subject was making them uneasy. I asked the daughter to explain to me what people were saying among themselves.

“They are saying that they know fundraisers who received huge commissions on the donations and became very rich.”

My heart sank when I heard that. Their skepticism saddened me, especially because I gave up a full-time job to work on this as a volunteer. It reiterated for me how difficult this project was going to be. The poor didn’t think change was possible. The rich were skeptical of the poor and philanthropy. I could hear my friend trying to defend me in Spanish. It seemed surreal to me. My face was burning. It felt like their discussions were going on forever until I heard this loud and young voice from the back of the room.

“You should contact the TV station’s foundation. They have this telethon every month to raise money. I don’t know if they really give the money to the poor, but maybe you can talk to them first.”

The young man saved me from the awkward moment because, unlike most people in the party, he took enough interest in my presentation to give me a suggestion. He also saved the project. I once met someone who worked with the top management at the TV station but I hesitated to contact him for the project. I wasn’t sure if he would remember me or be willing to help put me in touch with the right person at their foundation. The young man’s comment encouraged me to reach out to my contact at the TV station. We were later awarded funding by the foundation after 2 years of hard work by many people. The foundation became the first Mexican non-profit organization to support the midwifery school and broke the decade-long dependency on international organizations.

The young man was among a small group who, with one small gesture, paved the way for me to get multi-year sponsorships from Mexican corporate and non-profit organizations. Like J.F. Kennedy said,

“Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance."

The power of one. The power of you. The power to make a difference! Fantasize it. And exercise it!

Before we stand up to the voices of other people to express what we believe in, we must first stand up against the many voices in our heads – the fearful voice, the judgmental voice, the rational voice. And all too often the negative voices drown out our true expression. Why not let your true voice power your decisions? And only then, listen to your rational voice to help you overcome potential challenges and accomplish your goals. Change the order of how you orchestrate difference voices in your mind. Listen first to that singular voice deep within you that tells you can do whatever it is you put your mind to. Cast fear aside, ignore negativity and take the first step. When you reverse the course in your mind, you have the opportunity to reverse the course of events and create impact in the world around you. Unleash your power!

Can you share some additional strategies for overcoming fear of failure?

Here is another question raised by the audience when I gave a speech at HP. My suggestions are -

One way to overcome it is to try to look at your goal from a different angle that is less intimidating to you. For example, if you want to network but are afraid of rejection, try to look at it from the perspective of learning or connecting so you don’t focus so much on the outcome based on success/failure.

Another strategy is to break down your goal into small chunks so it doesn’t look so overwhelming. This way, the amount of potential failure is much smaller and less intimidating.

How do you get ahead and accomplish your career dreams when there is so much politics in corporate America?

Here is another question I got from the audience at HP.

Q: How do you get ahead and accomplish your career dreams when there is so much politics in corporate America?


A: There are politics wherever there are people - in for-profit AND non-profit organizations. Most of us think of office politics as a dirty game, and it can be. Although I don’t encourage people to participate in the game, I encourage you to understand and manage politics because it is part of our lives. If you think of politics as a way to create relevancy, convergence and alignment, then you might have a slightly different perspective on it. Politics is about understanding the context in which you operate. Try to understand the corporate culture, the risk tolerance, the predominant problem-solving approach. This will help you to frame your idea in a way that is appealing to them to reduce confrontation. Try to listen to other people’s concerns and understand why they are feeling insecure. Anticipate the push-backs and be prepared to address those concerns will help you achieve your goals and gain visibility. As I said in my presentation, focus on abundance rather than scarcity. Politics can be many of the challenges that you would face in achieving your career goals. Use your strengths to overcome your weaknesses. Use what you have to obtain what you don’t have.

How do you achieve your dream when you encounter financial challenges?

First, I would encourage you to examine your assumptions about what the financial support you need to achieve your dream. You might be surprised if I told you that my project in Africa only cost a few thousand dollars. Granted I had paid for my own trip and living expenses, and gave up my paychecks, the point is that we can be creative about how to achieve our goals with limited resources. I want to also refer you back to my presentation where I suggested that you do the exercise of moving yourself from “if only” to “what if” to “why not”. What I am hearing from the question is that there is a perception that you could only achieve your dream if you had a lot of money. Try asking yourself the question of “what if” and explore different options of doing it with limited financial resources.

It is never really about money but your commitment and motivation to overcome whatever challenges that come your way.

If your concern is more about managing your personal financial challenge, start by reviewing your assumptions about what you think you must have to make you happy and ask yourself if that is just an assumption or if it is the truth. I would also suggest that you get advice from a financial advisor or get professional help.

Also check out my article on “Is Money Getting in Your Way?” at http://www.fruit-for-thought.blogspot.com/

How can we help our children begin to think this way--- to live up to their potential?

I think the best way to teach your children how to live up to their potential is by being a role model yourself and living up to your full potential. That is the best testament that anything is possible. As you strive to live up to your potential, you will have a lot of life lessons to share with your children.

When we are so close to our children, we sometimes confuse our own dreams with their dreams. While you encourage them to live up to their full potential, make sure to listen to their passion and aspirations. Challenge them to expand beyond their limitations. Ask them questions instead of giving answers to help them explore their aspirations and to help them to think on their own and think outside of box.

Business Lessons I Learned from My International Volunteer Experience

I recently gave a speech at one of the Fortune 100 companies. I would like to post my answers to the questions raised by the audience. I hope it will help you think about how to address the challenges in your life and work.

Q: What top three corporate lessons would you encourage us to take away from your experience that we could apply here at our company?

A:I know there are lots of changes in your organization. Sometimes you may feel that you are so small and invisible in a big corporation. More than ever, I believe in the power of one. Every single one of us could make an impact in the company or on the impact we work with. When things seem to get nowhere, think about how to change your approach to influence change (“If only" to "What if" to "Why not"). Believe in your ability to make a difference.

Don’t under-estimate the importance of your experience at work. Without previous corporate experience, I might not have been able to complete the projects in Africa and Mexico. Corporate experience is valuable so try to identify how your career can support your personal goals.

The other valuable lesson I learned was the power of an inspiring vision, which according to a research study on global leaders, is one of the most important qualities of a great leader. I used to try to influence change by talking and focusing so much on strategy and rationale. Through my experience in Africa and Mexico, I realized how much more powerful an inspiration could be in terms of its impact on influencing change. For both projects, I worked in challenging situations with limited resources and little connection to the communities at the beginning. By building an inspiring vision, I was able to influence people who barely knew me to help me with my projects. Some of them were powerful and influential people. That’s why employee engagement can be so powerful as we discussed during my last presentation “How to Bring Meaning to Work”. When we learn to inspire, engage and motivate people, we unleash their emotions and passions to achieve up and beyond what they normally could. Don’t just win their minds, win their hearts too.

Is Money Getting in Your Way

What is your relationship with money? Yes, you heard me right. Whether or not we want to admit it, money affects almost every aspect of our lives When was the last time you examined your relationship with money? Money influences our decisions on how much time to spend at work and how and how much to relax. Very often, it is not the amount of money we have but our perception of, and relationship with money that impacts our decisions in life.

Here are some examples of the types of relationships with money you may have –


Money is me. Money gives you status and identity. The more money you have, the better you feel about yourself.
Money is greed. Talking about money makes you uncomfortable. You have money in the bank, but you’d rather not talk about it.
Money is safety. Money makes you feel safe. It is your safety blanket. The more you have, the better you sleep at night
Money is air. You have no relationship with money. You take it for granted. You spend whatever you feel like regardless of how much money you have.

When I first started my coaching practice, I had a hard time asking people for business. In my mind, coaching was supposed to help people live a more fulfilling life. It felt disingenuous when money was involved, especially in a recession when many were struggling financially. When I noticed that I had an uneasy relationship with money and it was getting in my way, I realized that I had put too little value on the life benefits my coaching would provide and I was too hung up on the stigma associated with money that I created in my mind. Once I had the awareness of how my relationship with money was holding me back, I was able to work on that and free myself to acquire new clients.

I recently caught up with a good friend of mine who is a successful investment banker. He was thinking about moving out of the U.S. to work in Asia. The regulation changes in the US have impacted how much bonus the U.S. investment bankers can earn. Asia with a growing economy and loose regulations seems to be the new promise land.

Just out of curiosity, I asked him why he needed to make a lot of money and what he would use the money for. He is single and already has more money than he could spend.

There was a pause after I raised the question.

“Hmmm… That does make you think, doesn’t it? It is not like I can take it with me when I die.” He said softly. “I guess I have been in the same game everyone else is in.”

He went on to tell me that he had not had a real vacation for 3 years and talked about the stress on the job.

“I would be eligible for retirement in a few years if I stayed with my company. I think I could go teach English in Asia when I retire and stop worrying about taking a shower for a while.” He laughed.

“Well, I guess you won’t need a lot of money for that.” I teased him mischievously.

He smiled thoughtfully.

Do you let money define who you are or do you define your relationship with money?

If we manage our relationship with money well, it could propel us to success and happiness. But when we are not careful, it can take control of our life decisions. Just like a romantic relationship between a man and a woman, I think it is only healthy if there is give and take in our relationship with money. If we are giving all of our time to nurture money and it is not nurturing our soul, then it sucks energy out of us.

Does money help you nurture or limit your relationships with your aspirations and with other people in your life?

If we are madly in love with someone and center most of our lives around the person, we might risk losing our relationships with other people in our lives. The same is probably true with our relationship with money.

Is money getting in your way? Recognize the type of relationship you have with money and increase your awareness of when it is serving you and when it is holding you back. It will help you stay in control of that relationship. Wouldn’t it be better to let money work for you rather than the other way around?

What Does it Take to Give?

A few years ago, I worked as a volunteer with the farmers in the mountains of rural Tanzania. The following year I began raising money in Mexico to expand accredited midwifery education in Chiapas - in an effort to improve healthcare and job opportunities for the young women from the indigenous and underserved communities. Around this time I started getting questions from people here about why I was interested in helping others.

I used to think this was a strange question.

“It’s only human nature to want to help. You might not have gone to developing world for volunteer work but I am sure you have helped some homeless or the poor in the City.” I replied.

But then I got the same question over and over again from different people until someone confronted me one day.

“No, I don’t think it’s human nature. I certainly haven’t done anything to help. How do you find the passion to help?”

The guy was brutally honest and not afraid to challenge me to help him understand why. That’s when I began to realize that perhaps the question might not be as strange as I thought it was and perhaps the willingness to help is not as natural as I thought it was. He finally got me curious about it.

People tend to think that sympathy is what it takes to be giving. What people often forget is empathy. Sympathy without empathy is pity. It is thinking that those in need are different from you and focusing on what they lack. It can get very exhausting quickly if you feel that you are just giving all the time and all you see is what they are lacking and their never-ending need for help. Empathy helps us to identify with others and their dreams. I am not sure if I ever saw my volunteer work as giving. Rather, I was building something promising. I didn’t dwell on their suffering. I was more passionate about their potential to have a better future. It is far more rewarding and uplifting when we can help others succeed instead of just helping them survive. I think that’s what gave me energy to continue to be involved in these projects.

Once I heard a story by Wayne Dyer about a conversation between a poor woman and a traveler. The woman lived in poverty but was given a precious gem by the higher power after good deeds and prayer. It was a gem of abundance that could give the woman anything she asked for.

One day a traveler saw the woman resting under a tree. He asked for some food. The woman said “Sure.” and then took out some bread from a bag where she kept the gem.
“What else do you need?” the woman asked the man. The man said, “Can you give me the most precious thing you have?” Without a thought, the woman pulled out the gem from the bag and gave it to the traveler.

A few hours later, the traveler came back and returned the gem. “I want to give you back your gem because what I really want is to learn how you can give away the most precious thing you have.”

Sometimes it is not what we receive that makes us happy, but what we give. I realize now how precious it is to have the desire to help. In so many ways, I feel incredibly blessed to have the opportunity and the capacity to serve. It’s very humbling. I never expected anything in return but I ended up with so much learning and growth beyond my imagination. The international development experience has been the best leadership and life training I have ever had. I can’t tell you how grateful I am that the people there allowed me to be part of their future. They gave me the opportunity to feel helpful and to grow as a person. They gave me the gift of a lifetime.

Although Africa is the poorest continent in the world, it has also received an enormous amount of international aid. Instead, I would like to take this opportunity to call your attention to the catastrophe in Pakistan where over 8 million people have been affected by the recent floods. They have received underwhelming international support. In fact, Americans gave 40 times more for Haiti earthquake than for the disaster in Pakistan (Read more http://www.cdapress.com/news/national_news/article_93b201a4-1390-5643-926f-c397ec231b17.html). Please consider making a donation to an organization of your choice to help the country under water. Let’s cultivate friendship instead of war, create hope instead of hatred. We can all make a different in whatever small way we are able.

Should I Change Jobs?

I began working with a new client about two months ago. She was looking for ways to find a more fulfilling career. She was considering starting her own business or moving to a different line of work at the large company where she worked. She thought that coaching might help her identify a new direction and develop the strategy to pursue the new path.

We spent the first 2 sessions helping clarify her vision in life and the things that were most important to her. A few weeks later she was put in charge of an exciting project that renewed her interest in her current job. She was also appointed to lead a new initiative for an employee group at work that would allow her to use the talents that she didn’t usually get to use at work. The change in her outlook was so dramatic that she couldn’t believe it. She felt energized but also confused.

“What if this was not the change I was looking for?” She wondered. “Am I settling? Should I keep on looking?” It seemed almost too easy even though both opportunities clearly fulfilled her passion and personal values. She got to do what she loved without having to leave her job or her company.

Her confusion was not surprising if we think about where most of us look for change.

--Change from The Inside Out--

When we are unsatisfied with the status quo, we often look for change in our environment or people we work or live with.

“I hate my job. I should find a job at another company.”

“My boss makes me miserable. How can I make him change?”

Sounds familiar? I am sure these thoughts have crossed our minds at one time or another. Rarely do we examine how we could change from within to affect the challenges around us. This is what happened with this client.

Clarity drives change.

First, she got a clear understanding of who she is, what is important to her and who she wants to become. With clarity, she not only realized what to ask for but she had the courage to ask for what she wanted. When you have a vision about what you want, the picture shouts at you and increases your desire for change.
She went to her boss, told him that she needed a more challenging job and she got it.

No one is going to give it to you unless you do.

Many of us often do not have the courage to discuss the change we want with our supervisor or subordinate. Or sometimes when we discuss this, we do not give specific and actionable feedback to catalyze change. Give yourself the permission to pursue and ask for what you want and help influence the change by giving constructive suggestion on the type of support you would like to receive.

Focus on knowing what you want, not what you don’t want.

Too often, we complain about what we don’t like. But when confronted with the question of what we really like to do, we don’t have the answer. When we dwell on what we don’t like, it keeps us spinning, frustrated and unsatisfied.

After our discussions, the client became aware of what had meaning for her. When the client got the new project, she was able to see things that she wouldn’t have been able to see before. The nature of the new project was very different from what she used to work on as an independent contributor. It was a cost-cutting project with challenging personalities and a de-motivated team. But she saw great possibilities to make a difference in the team members’ lives and bring about innovation to rejuvenate the project. She aligned her project with her core values of making impact and developing her creativity. Because she now knows what she wants, she is able to integrate them into the project and create meaning and vision that are fulfilling for her.

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.*

There was a shift that took place inside of the client. The inner change allowed her to handle situations and explore opportunities differently. As a result, the new approach opened up new possibilities and created change in her environment and the people around her.

Life change begins with the transformation inside of us. If we undertake the self-transformation, we are more likely to understand how to facilitate the change around us. Take the time to examine your vision, determine what is important to you and then take another look at the situation or challenge you face.
Now, before you put down this article and go back to your challenge, imagine a different response from you that will support the change you want to see!

A special thanks to my client who has given me the permission to share the story.

*by Wayne Dyer

How Can I Retire Early to Pursue Happiness

I have been getting this question a lot lately.

“How can I retire early to pursue happiness?”

In this recession, everyone is feeling the squeeze whether or not they still have jobs. Many who are not laid off are doing two or three people’s jobs. It’s not hard to understand the pessimism. We start to think that happiness and work are mutually exclusive. As we constantly raise the bar on ourselves, we come to believe that happiness cannot be achieved until we have lots of money and time. Somewhere along the way, we lose sight that happiness doesn’t have to come in bulk and that it can come in small chunks.

What if you could bring meaning to what you do every day?

I have met many business professionals who devoted their money and time outside of work to social causes. So why do we stop short of bringing the same level of compassion to our workplace? Giving is gratifying because it is a testament of our ability to make a difference in someone else’ life. What if you could have the ability to impact the lives of your colleagues?

The zero-sum mentality in the corporate world holds us back from being a resource to others at work. Contrary to the thinking, those who give are generally more successful and happier, according to my recent interviews with a number of corporate executives who have a track record of helping others at work. The sense of purpose and fulfillment from helping others often become positive energy that empowers the givers to make great business impact at work.

You may feel too time-strapped and exhausted to help others because of your work load. The secret is that time is limited but energy can be re-generated. By giving and lending a hand, it rejuvenates your energy and fulfillment, which in turn support you for bigger challenges at work. You will be happier and more productive.

What if we could be present in every moment?

When we were kids, we couldn’t wait until school was out and we wanted to grow up fast. Do you ever notice how old people reminisce the past and can’t stop talking about what they used to do? As we are right in the middle of our journey, recognize that we have an opportunity to live in the moment with learning from the past to shape our future.

Celebrate small and often. Some clients came to me for coaching because they hit a road block and feared that they would not be able to achieve their goals. Once we took the time to examine their progress along the way, they gained confidence and clarity which give them the strength to move forward. Celebrating before reaching your goal is not a sin. Celebrating milestones helps you to reflect and move steadfast toward your goals.

Instead of living for the future, enjoy this moment when you are not too young to know what you want nor too old to do what you want. Why waiting for the big bulky happiness far out in retirement when you could create small happy moments throughout your work life?

What is that big happiness you are hoping for at the end of your career? Break it down and enjoy it in small chunks. Instead of guzzling down a bottle of wine, enjoy it in sips to savor its aroma and flavor. If your goal is to travel around the world after retirement, try visiting one country each year while you are still working. If you would like to do volunteer work in the future, you can find something similar in a smaller scale now. Are you waiting to try a different line of work after retirement? Sign up for a class or seminar to learn about it today.
Align your present with your future!

Instead of living for your future, choose what you have in every moment. Wouldn’t it be better to be happy early than to retire early?

The Answer Is in the Question!

Many of us go through life looking for answers that will lead us to fulfillment in life or to career success. Very often the answers seem so hard to obtain. So we spend most of our time asking the same questions over and over again, searching and waiting for the right answers.

Has it ever occurred to you that you might be asking the wrong question?
Someone once asked me, "I have a good job at a great company but my dream is to have my own start-up company. It is hard to take the risk because I have a family to support. What should I do?"

"What I am hearing is that you have been asking yourself the question, 'What would happen to my family's finances if I quit my job?'". I pointed out that the question kept him focused on his problem. I suggested that he asked himself a different question,

"How do I start a business while maintaining financial stability for my family?"

This question opens up creativity and imagination and encourages the seeker to look for options to overcome his challenges while pursuing his goal. It fosters ideas such as the possibility of working on developing his business at night while he is still at the current job, or of reinvesting his stock option to generate an extra income stream as a safety net.

Many years ago, I worked for a U.S. personal care company in Asia. One of the products I managed was a line of tampons. The product category only had 1% usage rate because it was considered very intrusive in a conservative culture.
One year we ran multiple focus groups. I was sitting in the observatory room, eavesdropping on the consumers, when I heard some very unusual comments about the product. I had an "ah ha" moment and subsequently wrote a new marketing plan to shift the focus from brand advertising to educational and PR campaigns.
A few months later I was asked to drop by the sales meeting and share the new marketing strategy with the sales team. With the new strategy, I explained, product sales could grow by more than 30% during the peak season. The reception was cold.

Five minutes later, as I was waiting in the lobby for the elevator, a saleswoman who was in the meeting came up to me and told me what happened in the conference room after I left. The sales director said to the sales team,
"I have never seen any growth in our tampon sales in the 20 years since I joined the company. The marketing team had tried different campaigns to improve the revenues but all resulted in little change. How could a 30% growth be possible!?" He smirked. The whole room broke into laughter, according to my colleague's account. I remembered feeling a chill running through my body when I realized that I had become a laughing stock in the company. I was mortified

I gathered just enough strength to get back to my office. I called the production manager. The sales team was very powerful in the company at the time. Without their buy-in, I would not have the authority to change the sales forecast numbers that the production department would use to increase their production of the product. I told him about the challenge.

"What can be done to avert the product shortage? What is possible?" I asked. The product had to be imported so if the sales exceeded the previous forecast, the shortage could go on for months.

"Well, are you certain about your growth projection?" The production manager asked me.

I told him that this strategy had never been tried before but the research indicated a strong consumer fear which the new strategy was designed to overcome. There was no past event that I could use as a reference. However, if this were the right strategy, I was confident that we could generate 30% growth based on historical store data for similar products.

"As you know, I cannot increase the order size because the sales projection has not been bumped up. Hmmm.... Let me think about what I can do." He said, weighing the requirement to comply with the sales forecast already in our system and the potential of a product shortage. In the end, he came up with a great idea to hedge his risks. He decided to order from our European plant the same quantities as the original forecast but a few weeks earlier than usual. If sales picked up, he would request air shipments. If the sales remained flat, we would ship the order by sea.
Soon after the new marketing strategy was implemented, the tampon sales started to increase. The educational materials we created were flying off the shelf so quickly that I had to order more after just 2 weeks. The production manager, who was watching the sales activities closely, requested air shipments so we did not lose sales momentum. We were easily able to achieve the projected sales growth.

You see, by asking different questions, they triggered different responses and results.

"How could this be possible?" casts doubt and focuses on concerns.

"What is possible?" encourages brainstorming new ideas to achieve the goal.

Are you ready to challenge yourself or do you want to remain hindered by the obstacles you believe you face? Instead of asking yourself why you never have time for things that matter to you, ask yourself how you can make time for things that matter to you.

If you are feeling stuck and unable to make progress toward your goals, try asking a new question that encourages you to overcome the obstacles and points you at a new direction that you haven't looked at before.

So what is the question you have yet to ask yourself?

You Have the Watch but I Have Time

This year I started giving motivational speeches. The speech was about having the courage to stand up for your dream. I drew parallels to my experience in Africa. It brought back a lot of memories so I decided to dig up a video clip of my interview with an American Catholic missionary in Tanzania. Father Joseph has lived in Africa for over 30 years and has amazing insight about African culture, proverbs and philosophy. During the interview, he made reference to a saying in Tanzania that “The Westerners have the watch but Africans have time.“ I thought that is a great way to introduce this article.

Do you have the watch but no time? Do you have presence but no life? Many of us are pack rats in our lives – wanting to have everything and having a hard time making choices about what is important and what should be ‘dropped’.

What would it be like if we could choose to be happy?

I quit a good-paying job a few years ago to focus on volunteer work in developing countries. When I shared my stories, I sometimes got comments like “Oh, I wish I were as lucky as you.”, or “Oh, I wish I could afford the same kind of choice you made.” I found it ironic because most of the time the comments were from people who owned nice homes and had great jobs. I had no doubt that they could “afford” the same choice I made. They just had a hard time making that choice.

I often think of a life as filled with anything we can hold or embrace with our arms. There is a limit to how much we can hold. If you want something that is not already in your arms, sometimes you have to first give up something you have in order to have capacity for the new thing. In coaching, I see how clients let go of fear so they can make room for courage. They let go of present to welcome the future.

Sometimes the things in our embrace are so full and piled up in front of us that all we can see is what other people next to us have in their arms. And we forget how good the things we already have in our arms are.

So maybe life is like an on-going barter process. We drop something old with one arm and grab on something new with another arm. After a while something new becomes something old and no longer fits. Make your barter decisions based on your future, not where you are now.

Don’t be afraid to trade up or trade down. You gain some and you lose some. Sometimes we make good choices. Sometimes we make bad choices. But we know that there will always be more opportunities for further bartering in life. Relish the moment while it is in your arms as the wise man said, “Being successful is having what you want. Being happy is wanting what you have.”

Oops... I Forgot to be Afraid

The spring is here! I will be kicking off my “speaking tour” for the year and will begin by delivering motivational speeches at Google, Visa and Rotary Club this month.

I first decided on giving motivational speeches about two years ago after I spoke at a travel club. I talked about my book and the experience of creating an agricultural training program in Tanzania. A young woman came up to me afterwards and wanted some advice.

“I want to do the kind of volunteer work that you did!”
She said enthusiastically at first. Then there was a pause. She looked like she was concerned.

“I am not sure how to do it. What if I failed?” She asked.

My first reaction was confusion. I didn’t understand her fear. It was not as if she would be evaluated for her work and given a performance review as you would at work. Then it hit me that I had never thought about failure before or during my project in Tanzania. For a few seconds, there was panic inside of me …”Had I made a huge mistake of not considering some very important factor?”

I took a deep breath and realized that my ignorance of failure allowed me to be undistracted in achieving my goals. I was so concentrated on making my project possible, I failed to focus on failure! I forgot to be afraid! All I could think about when I was in Tanzania was how to overcome challenges so I could bring the training to the people who really needed it. I was thinking about “How”, not “What if”.
If you are on a tight rope over a gorge, you would have a better chance in getting to the other side of the water if you look straight ahead at where you want to get to, rather than if you look down at the water miles below you.

Someone once said “The answer to ‘How’ is ‘Yes’”.

This is probably how babies learn to walk. They fall, they cry and then they forget about it and try to walk again. They were looking at that toy sitting on the coffee table or curious about the remote control lying on the sofa. The objects are darn interesting and so irresistible that the babies are determined to walk in order to get their hand on the enticing objects!

Enroll yourself in your dream. Make it scream at you so that you will get up, move towards it and forget about all the obstacles that may come between you and your goal.

Through the motivational speeches, I hope I can help people reconnect with their dreams and have the courage to pursue their goals. I can’t wait!